The Wolf Lady

This is one of my favorite stories ever...

So I'm kinda ashamed to say that I used to work at the salon inside of Wal-Mart. It was ghetto but has produced many interesting tales. The town was small but the surrounding towns were even smaller and you know that there are some crazy folks in small towns. Ok, so I'm at work on a super busy Saturday when this interesting lady probably in her late 50s comes in acting pretty frantic. She wants her hair cut asap and when we tell her it'll be about an hour she gets a little upset. She stands up at the front the whole time giving everyone the crazy eye. When I realize that I'll have the pleasure of cutting her hair, I start to go slow. I know, that's mean but I wanted to put it off as long as possible. I call her name up at the desk and she starts going into this whole thing about her hair having knots in it. Definately louder than I'd like in public. So I say, "Let's talk about this at my chair." She says (in the most country voice you can conjure in your mind) "I don't know what the heck's wrong with my hair! I keep getting these huge knots; it's just crazy! I don't know what you're gonna have to do but I can't take it anymore." I procede to look through her curly mass of hair only to find rat's nests. Like seriously, matted dog hair. Yeah, awesome. I ask her what kind of brush she's using wondering if she even owns one. She only uses dog brushes. I'm not freaking kidding. Metal dog brushes on her head. I'm kinda creeped out at this point so I start cutting her knots in half to try and get them out 'cause she doesn't want any length cut off. I cut the biggest one and found string in it. String. When I told her they just had to be cut out, she said go ahead but don't cut the rest of it that short. So she had big ol holes in the back.

Now here's the best part.

"So what are we gonna do w/ the rest of your hair?" I say. She says, "I was over at that Grove Casino the other day and I saw this painting of an Indian girl that was half wolf kinda so I want you to cut my hair like a wolf. I want one point in the front between my eyes and the rest of it to come in points all around my face, but don't take the back off." So she pretty much wants a wolfey mullet. I start to laugh and then have to make an excuse to go in the back room so I can call my sister. I'm like, " Celeste, you're never gonna believe what this lady just told me!!" Ok, let's get it under control and try to talk her out of it. Not happening. I suggest choppy bangs, layers, anything I can think of 'cause I know for sure that this lady isn't going to fix her curly points like the fictional painting of wolf woman. It's not gonna work and she's gonna look even dumber. She gets mad and starts kinda yelling at me, "I said I want points!!" "Ok, here goes." I'm laughing so hard that I have to raise her chair so she can't see me in the mirror. After she gets her points she hates them of course 'cause they look like JLo's plastered face curls as a Fly Girl on In Living Color. Not good. Kinda wolfey but still not good. Hey that's what she wanted so that's what she got. I sent her on her way and made sure to inform my next client who saw the whole thing that wolf mullets aren't my specialty. Hopefully she didn't judge me by what had just left my chair. I've never seen the wolf lady again unfortunately. But when I hear a wolf cry to the blue corn moon, I do think of her.

- Monica